"How do I say I'm not satisfied with our sex life?" - This is one of the most common questions marriage counselors hear from clients. Dr. Suzanne Pelka, Ph.D. Sexuality Specialist says, "Basically, anything that stresses us out, causes depression or anxiety, in addition to a host of other factors (including diet and medical factors), can inhibit our libidos. I have enormous compassion and respect for people who are brave enough to come in and get treatment to finally resolve and lay down these heavy burdens."
You don't have to be a liberal sex-positive San Franciscan to start going to a sex therapist. You just need to have the desire to make your sex life better and to trust that it's fixable and okay to work on one of the biggest connectors in a relationship. Dr. Pelka goes on to say, "I do a good deal of couples’ sex therapy particularly surrounding issues wherein one partner is experiencing low sexual desire and, the other, much higher desire. Many couples (be they heterosexual, gay or lesbian) come in feeling hopeless that they will ever be able to get on the same page sexually. Some have recently experienced major turning points in their lives such as the birth of a baby, recent unemployment or trying to recover from an infidelity in the coupleship. The individuals in other couples believe they have always had different libidos and sexual styles. Still, many other client couples attest that they enjoyed a passionate early sex life that, over time, disappeared completely."
So what is sex therapy? What is a session like?
But it's rare to see examples of someone discussing sex with the person he or she actually has sex with. "Talking about sex as a personal, intimate experience with your partner is a totally different kind of talk," says Barry McCarthy, a Washington, D.C., psychologist and sex therapist who has written books about nonsexual marriages and how to prevent them. "You have to be open to talking about what you value and your vulnerability," he says. No one teaches us how to do that.
I wanted to post a little taste of this subject because all too often couples go years without dealing with these difficult issues. It's on of the issues in my book August Fog. The main character Monica Waters and her husband Alex Waters neglect and ignore their sexual issues for so many years that they build a wall between them that eventually leads to problems. There are tons of articles and professionals out there that deal with this subject, my only hope is that those who experience these issues can find courage to face it head on and know they can make things better.
Check out A.L. Goulden's profile on GoodReads and pick up her latest book August Fog available at most eBooksellers.
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